But with the good comes the bad. These were the days when JC was climbing the walls, tearing at his flesh as he was consumed with withdrawal agony. Ripping his skin with bitten nails as his craving for heroin drove him into the ground leaving him exhausted, cowering in a corner as he begged Justin to get him one last fix. Justin had to be strong on bad days, strong for the broken man he held in his arms, rocking him, singing softly into his hair till the shakes subsided. On a bad day JC despised Justin as he screamed hateful words at his young lover, accusing him of not loving him enough to help him in with his need. On bad days JC had to be held down as he fought and kicked biting anyone who came near him. On bad days Justin’s heart was filled with guilt. Guilt for not giving his boyfriend the powerful drug he so badly needed, guilt for being happy for the seven years that his lover was trapped in the living hell of prostitution. On bad days Justin hurt because JC cried.
But the bad days were diminishing and the good increasing. There were still times Justin wished Josh would have stayed in the clinic, but he had become agitated and inconsolable when he was away from his young lover so Justin and Lance had taken him home.
Justin lay on the bed next to Josh propped up on his elbow watching his lover sleep. The blond marvelled at the beauty of the man next to him. After everything he’d seen, after everything he’d done he was still beautiful. His sculptured cheeks, a full pink mouth, even the sharp line of his nose added to the loveliness that was JC. Justin tenderly placed his hand on Josh’s chest, feeling the gently rise and fall of his steady breathing. His face was smooth showing no signs of the bad dreams that had plagued him of late, the withdrawal induced nightmares where Christian forced Justin into the same depraved slavery that he had been subjected to. The young man brushed his fingertips softly down the peacefully sleeping mans face. Tracing the curve of his cheek and the strong line of his jawbone. A small smile graced his lips as Josh batted away the tickle, sighed and sunk deeper into the plush quilt. snuggling down. His lips parted as his tongue flicked quickly over them moistening the sleep dried skin as he twisted onto his right side facing his watching boyfriend. Justin leaned in unable to resist placing a kiss on Josh’s forehead. “I love you” he breathed. He pulled away resting his head back on his hand and was surprised when a pair of steely blue eyes gazed back at him lovingly.
“Hey” Justin grinned as his boyfriend broke into a lazy sleepy smile.
“Hey to you to”
“Did you sleep well angel?” Justin reached for his lovers hand entwining his fingers with his.
“Mm huh. How long have you been watching me?”
“Only for the past two hours.” Justin leaned in and kissed Josh chastely on the lips. The brunettes eyes drifted shut as he relished the taste of his boyfriends mouth. He sighed as the kiss was broken.
“Justin”
The blond kissed JC fingertips, “Mmmm?”
“Do you ever regret being with me?”
Justin sat up, looking his lover in the eyes. “Never. Why would you think that?”
“It’s just, I know it’s been hard. And if we were ever seen together ....”
“Josh baby, I’m proud to be with ...... you. I love ...... you.” Justin pulled his lover into his arms crushing him to his chest. “I’ll never let you go and if it ever came to a choice between Nsync and you, Then I choose you. Always you.
“I love you too Justin.”