If Justin wasn’t such a pompous ass he would be quite nice. He kinda reminded him of Jasmine. She was all in your face and had the ‘always right’ kinda attitude too. Somewhere along the line things had gotten severely screwed up. Something Justin had asked earlier set off warning bells in his head. Fairy godmother? He wasn’t stupid he knew what a fairy godmother was he just had never seen one before.
“Do you think that maybe my fairy godmother got me mixed up with Jasmine, we are twins after all and we were very alike until we hit puberty?” He asked Justin solemnly
Justin thought for a moment. “All princesses are blessed when they are born. Maybe you got Jasmine's blessing by mistake and her yours.”
“That would explain why she can beat me at arm wrestling.”
“And why she can fight better than you.”
“What do you think I should do?” Joshua asked.
Justin scratched his head thinking, his nose and eyes screwed up as he pondered the situation. His eyes suddenly lit up and he grinned widely. “A quest,” he exclaimed. “We will go on a quest to find your fairy godmother and get her to reverse the spell.”
“Do you think that will work after all we don’t want to piss her off and make me look ungrateful? She could turn me into a beast or worse still a frog.”
“If she turns you into a frog I promise I will kiss you and turn you back.”
Joshua accepted this answer for a minute then frowned. “But you’re a prince. That only works with princesses.”
“I didn’t give you a guarantee,” Justin replied cockily. “I just said I’d kiss you.”
Joshua looked up shyly. “You’d kiss me?”
“But I’m a prince.”
Justin shrugged. “You’re pretty though.”
A sunny smile spread slowly over Joshua's lips. “You think I’m pretty?”
Justin nudged his knee against the pink clad prince next to him. “Sure,” he said. “Do … do you like me?”
Joshua blushed and looked away grinning. “You’re cute … I guess.”
The two princes slowly faced each other the blues of their eyes colliding.
“You have a pretty mouth,” Joshua whispered.
“You have amazing eyes,” Justin sighed.
They leaned towards each other their eyes drifting closed as their lips drew closer.
“Ye …haw,” the scream echoed in their ears making them both fall off the rock they were perched on. Joshua looked up his eyes wide as a figure coated in armour raced towards him on the back of a very familiar white horse. Before he realised what was happening he was hoisted up into the air and tossed over its back. Stunned he just hung there not really knowing what to do. This was the second time in as many days that he had been rescued by a prince and to be perfectly honest it was beginning to get on his nerves. As the horse he was draped over wheeled, whinnied and galloped away Joshua waved at Justin and shrugged. Being a princess really was tedious.
Justin watched in shock as Joshua waved goodbye to him. He seemed resigned to the fact he was being ‘rescued’ once again and gave a sorry grin before disappearing into the distance.
“Well that was bloody unexpected,” Justin snorted. “What sort of bloody fairy tale is this anyway? The Princess turns out to be a prince and then he is rescued from the rescuer.”
A shower of silver sparkles start to fall all around him, materialising into a pleasant grey haired woman in puffy pink chiffon.
Justin looked at her open mouthed. “Barbra Cartland!” he exclaimed excitedly. “Oomph!” he cried as a silver wand hit him hard on the head.
“Barbra Cartland!” the fairy godmother screamed. “Barbra fucking Cartland! I should turn you into a … a … donkey because you are a total ASS.”
“That fucking hurt,” Justin whinged and rubbed at the bump that already had started to form on top of his head.
“Good,” the fairy godmother snorted. “It was meant to.” She smoothed down her frock and took a deep breath before plastering a sickly sweet smile over her face. “Dearest Justin,” she said sweetly. “18 years past I made a teensy weensy little mistake, blessing Prince Joshua with a blessing that was meant for his sister Jasmine. Unfortunately I mistakenly reinforced the blessing just two days hence. Now you’re stuck with him so get on your horse and go get him back. To help you win fair maiden’s … maid … man’s heart I gift you a magic sword and an enchanted shield. Now go … go and may you live happily ever after.”
“So you’re not Barbra Cartland then?” Justin asked lifting the sword up and testing its weight.
The fairy god mother grinned through clenched teeth and her wand twitched longingly as she swallowed the curse that formed on her lips. “Look kid, quit while you are ahead,” she hissed. “If poor Joshua wasn’t relying on you I’d change you into a slug.” She transformed herself back into a shower of sparkles, making sure she singed Prince Justin's hair before she left completely.
“This is one hell of a fucked up fairy tale,” she sighed.
Joshua watched the ground rushing past him again and gulped as his stomach somersaulted. This really wasn’t the way he had planned to spend his weekend. He had thought maybe a little sunbathing; watch The Seven Dwarves take on Rumplestilkskin and his cronies at five-a-side soccer; maybe even take in a movie. He had heard Thunderbirds was meant to be good, but now that was all fucked up because of a pair of maniac princes that insisted on liberating him. Life would be so much simpler if he had just taken that job waiting tables at The Half Sixpence pub. He shook the thought from his head thinking of the drab colourless uniforms that the workers wore. “Maybe not,” he huffed.
He gave a deep sigh. “So,” he asked. “Where are we going?”
A high pitched giggle rang in his ears and he frowned. Either this prince’s balls hadn’t dropped or it was ….
“You silly sausage,” Jasmine gushed.
Joshua groaned he’d never live this one down. Rescued by a princess; not any princess, oh no. it couldn’t have been Snow White could it. It had to be Jasmine.
“Stop this fucking horse!”
Jasmine hauled back on the reigns and the horse skidded to a stop and Joshua went sailing over his head and landed on the hard dirt with a loud thud.
“Are you alright?” Jasmine asked concerned.
Joshua got up and swiped the dust from his ass. “No actually. First I’m kidnapped from my bed. Forced to wear a dress because Prince Justin thinks I’m you. Then I am forced to sleep in a bed full of peas before I can steal some clothes, escape get captured again only to be ‘rescued ‘ by my kid sister.” Joshua stopped his rant and took a deep breath “Of course I’m not alright.”
“I was only trying to help.”
“Well don’t,” Joshua pouted as he stomped away in the general direction of their castle.
Back at Justin's castle.
“Check.” Justin frowned. “Spare underwear? I’m only going forty miles down the road. I’ll be back by tea time.”
His father, the king nodded thoughtfully. “Well you never know what might happen; you might get hit by a bus.”
Justin screwed up his face completely baffled by what his father had just suggested. “I’m not even going to ask you what you mean by that.” He slipped his shield over his shoulder and sheaved his sword. He brushed down his tunic and grinned widely.
“I’m ready,” he announced. “Princess Joshua had better start puckering up because I’m going to get my groom.”
Justin's father, the king, frowned. “Princess Joshua?” he asked. “Surely you mean Princess Jasmine?”
Justin cringed slightly. “Well it’s funny that you should mention that. It’s really funny really; you will laugh your socks off when I tell you.”
He winced as his father gave him a dark scowl. He took a deep breath. “PincessJasmineisn’tPrincessJasmineshe’sPrinceJoshuaimeanhe’sPrinceJoshua … and I think I love him.”
“Are you telling me that pretty little thing that we had breakfast with this morning was a MAN,” the King boomed.
“Yes,” Justin squeaked.
“Oh ok then,” the King said acceptingly.
“Is that all you have to say?” Justin gasped.
“Safe journey?” the king replied confused.
“Well that went surprisingly well,” Justin thought as he trotted down the country lane that lead away from the city gates. It didn’t seem to faze his father, The King, at all that he was in love with a prince and not a princess. Justin relaxed back in his saddle and whistled cheerfully as he pictured his Princess’ face. Joshua may be a boy but he was a pretty one.
“Oh good,” Justin said checking his time piece then clapping his hands with glee. “A pub, time for a swift half me thinks.” He jumped off his horse. “Stay,” he ordered.
Poppet, his horse gave him a look that screamed “What am I a fucking dog?” then shook his head, tried to bite him and trotted off down the road.
“Good horse,” Justin called after him. “I’ll wait here then shall I?”
The pub was dark, smelly and packed to capacity. Justin pushed and squeezed his way through to the bar where a really ugly man in drag was pulling pints.
“Double vodka and red bull please,” Justin said, ordering his drink. “Only make the double more of a treble and no ice.”
The barkeeper snorted and hacked back a gob of phlegm and spat it across the bar hitting the Cyclops in his one good eye.
“We don’t serve puffs,” the barkeeper barked.
Justin raised himself to full height and flipped his lace draped wrist. “Why do you assume I’m a puff?” he asked as he checked his lip gloss in the bar’s mirror.
“Only puffs and birds drink vodka and red bull.”
Justin thought about this. “Serve it in a pint of bitter,” he suggested.
The barkeeper wrinkled his brow in thought. “That would work,” he conceded.
An hour later Justin rolled, well more crawled out of the pub and looked up at the five horses that seemed to be there waiting for him. “Which of you is Poppet?” he asked drunkenly. He squinted and bit his tongue as he lunged for the nearest one. After three attempts he managed to get hold of Poppet’s reigns and heave himself into the saddle. He kicked his heels into the horse’s flanks. “Tally-ho,” he yelled then hung on for dear life as he galloped away.
Behind him the barkeeper stood in the door way smoking her/his pipe. “Poor fucking princess that gets stuck with that lush,” he said shaking his head.
A couple of customers had come out to watch the fun. One a short fat boy with a pocket full of beans nodded his agreement. “How many did he have Fred?”
“That’s just it Jack, he only had one and he didn’t finish that.”
The small group looked down the road where Justin was now hanging off the side of Poppet with his legs wrapped around his neck and started laughing.